She Moves In Mysterious Ways
This woman is considered one of the most important (if not THE most important) women in the New Testament: Mary Magdalene. Even before I had seen the first images of this “lady in red”, I had often dreamed of a dark-skinned woman in red and white. It wasn’t until my 30s that I was introduced to the works of Margaret Starbird and Elaine Pagels, both of whom featured Mary Magdalene quite heavily as being central to the birth of Christianity. It was her sudden appearance in my life that was the catalyst for me leaving a very dangerous religious cult.
I was always vaguely familiar with the story In the New Testament, but not until I was well into my adulthood, did I truly begin to see how influential Mary Magdalene was to Jesus’ story. And how her story was just as much my story, and the story of all women. After leaving the cult, I avoided any spiritual -religious studies and practices for some time. When Mary Magdalene found me, I was eager to jump back into regular spiritual study and practice, but had no clue where to start. Eventually She pushed me into the spiritual community I now reside in gladly.
She saved my life. Because of her ongoing presence, I continue to learn and grow in my spiritual path. It’s an unorthodox path, some would even say, heretical, but I am filled with so much joy, that I wouldn’t change a single moment.
In recent months, she has been a rock, especially since the sudden, and unexpected, death of my mother in early August, 2019. Her “image” (at least as I understood it), kept me from completely falling apart. Though I am still reeling from my loss, any music, literature and iconography depicting Mary Magdalene has balanced me in a way nothing else has.
Don’t misunderstand me. I do not worship or “venerate” her. I see her as the lampstand…not the light itself. Like a ray of color through a prism, Mary Magdalene represents a small fraction of the Ain Sof (as it’s known in Kabbalah). she has been a loyal friend and beloved Teacher for much longer than I suspected.
I write liturgy and commentary, pray and meditate, and commune with like-minded individuals. I have seriously considered facilitating my own “Magdalene” circle at some point in the future. Life and death are engaged in an interesting dance right now. What serves my highest purpose? What fills me with passion? What am I willing to sacrifice? I won’t say there isn’t SOME fear in this chosen path. I was absolutely terrified when I wrote Mother of Peace, but I pushed through the fear of rejection to publish it.
The fears I’m pushing through now are twofold: 1) acceptance from my family for my chosen path, professional AND spiritual (more on that), and 2) is any of this “real”, or am I just crazy? (The answer is, “yes”.) I know I talk about that book a great deal, and I apologize if I sound like a broken record. But this was the true catalyst which set me on my current path. My journey out of Da’ath (the Void/non-Sephira) started as soon as the idea took root. And Da’ath still continues to teach me.
I know now that my family will never entirely accept me as I am. It hurts to say this. But I also know that the Creator, my spiritual guides, and my extended community of fellow heretics accept me…only pushing me to embrace myself more. That has eased much of the pain of rejection.
There is still much work to be done…I know where I need improvement. I don’t need to be reminded of where you think I could improve.